Most people who see me running around town occasionally see my blonde haired, blue-eyed, slightly taller, much stronger, best friend running around with me. Best friend, yeah, I go with my best friend, we share all our clothes, hairbrushes, memes, phone chargers, books, computers, and occasionally even food. The best part is she must walk past my half-walled room every morning before I drag my lazy butt out of bed, where I say, “good morning!” and she says nothing, and then every night, while I am either listening or reading something, where we exchange, are “love you” s and part ways. She is my much calmer, much more athletic, much more graceful, and dare I say more responsible little sister, Anna.
Little is a stretch for Anna…. she has big dreams and an even bigger heart. Even though she is almost exactly two years younger than me, she has picked upped the role of being another caregiver to me- doing different things that I am unable to do well. She gets my food, carries stuff for me, writes whatever I need to be written down, and so much more. Heck, last week I was taking a bath and she asked me if she could wash my hair just because having very clean hair feels good. She is not asked to do these things; she does them just because she loves me. And I love her, even though my boney hugs and these words will never demonstrate it quite the same way.
Friday, I had the honor of seeing her perform her second to last dance recital. She performed the Sugar Plum solo and duet. It was impressive. Usually, they do the entire Nutcracker Ballet which I have probably watched more than 20 times. I was even an extra in the performance a couple of times! This year she would have been the Sugar Plum Princess, a part she has been working so incredibly hard to get for years. Unfortunately, due to COVID, they had to do a winter showcase instead. It was full of Christmas music and such to get us all jazzed up in the Christmas spirit. It was still awesome to get to see her. She was in every other dance, and her partner called her a “freaking machine!”
All I can say is “Yes, Anna is a machine!” She works so hard to be one of the best dancers,…. who made it to her senior year, worked a summer job, got into a great college, has a great boyfriend, and is the best sister I could ever ask for. I so enjoy watching her glide across the stage, with a grace I will never know. Ballet is her escape that she fell deeply in love with it. It is the place that all her worries and cares melt away. The way she can move her body blows my mind. The irony is that my sister can run, and jump, and spin and spin, and spin, where I can hardly walk-in public without my crutches. She clearly makes up for it, and I would never have it any other way. If this is the cost of her living her dreams, I would pay it 100-fold.
I would argue that my disability has impacted her more than me. It is much harder to watch someone you love so deeply go through everything we have gone through, then to do it yourself. She never knew a life without me, and without cerebral palsy, and with everything that comes with it….doctor appointments, therapy, falling, loneliness, the list goes on and on. She keeps on going though, and never leaves me behind, even at the cost of friends. We will always figure out how to support each other’s dreams, goals, and ambitions. We are by far each other’s biggest fans.
Just a Girl With Crutches 